Carnival cruise ship sailing from Miami - the gateway to Caribbean adventures Photo: Carnival Cruises

So there we were, flying from our perfectly ordinary Washington, DC suburb to the land of neon, art deco, and more humidity than a greenhouse - Miami! Florida's famous "Magic City" sits on what geologists call the Miami Limestone formation, basically a giant hunk of ancient coral reef that decided it wanted to be land instead. How ambitious!

The next day, our cruise ship, the Carnival Imagination (what a name for a vessel!), sets sail from Miami. Let me tell you, watching that massive floating hotel navigate out of the Port of Miami - which happens to be the world's busiest cruise port - is like watching a ballet, if ballerinas were 100,000-ton steel giants.

Now here's a fun geology fact for you: the Caribbean Sea we're sailing into? It sits on the Caribbean Plate, which is slowly crashing into the North American Plate. This tectonic drama party created the islands we're visiting and also explains why there are occasional earthquakes in the region. Don't worry, cruise ships are basically earthquake-proof floating resorts!

Watch: Miami to Cozumel Caribbean Cruise via Key West and Visit to Great 13th-Century Mayan City of Tulum

A Seafaring Adventure: Sailing from Miami to Cozumel via Key West

Setting sail from Miami to Cozumel with a Key West pit stop is like hitting the trifecta of Caribbean awesomeness. You get Florida's quirky personality, Mexico's ancient history, and enough turquoise water to fill a million swimming pools. It's basically the ultimate Caribbean sampler platter!

Miami started as a Native American settlement called "Mayaimi" (meaning "big water") and transformed into a melting pot of Cuban, Caribbean, and American cultures. The city's Art Deco district in South Beach has more pastel colors than a bag of Easter candy, which perfectly sets the mood for a tropical adventure.

Carnival Imagination departing Miami, ready for adventure CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

Did you know Miami sits at the mouth of the Miami River, which Native Americans used as a canoe highway for thousands of years? Today, instead of canoes, we have cruise ships that could probably hold a small village worth of people. Progress, I guess!

The Florida Straits we're sailing through have some serious history - this was the main route for Spanish treasure ships heading back to Europe loaded with gold and silver. Pirates loved this area for obvious reasons. Today, the only pirates you'll find are the ones selling overpriced souvenirs!

First stop: Key West! This tiny island at the southernmost point of the continental U.S. has more personality per square foot than anywhere else. The island's limestone foundation creates the perfect conditions for coral reefs, which is why the waters here are ridiculously clear. It's like nature's giant aquarium.

Carnival Imagination chilling with a Navy friend at Key West - security detail or just hanging out? U.S. Navy photo by Journalist 1st Class Trice Denny, Public Domain, Link

Key West has this hilarious history of declaring itself the "Conch Republic" in 1982 after the U.S. Border Patrol set up a checkpoint. The locals staged a "secession" that lasted one minute before surrendering and demanding foreign aid. Only in Florida, folks!

The island's coral reefs are part of the Florida Reef Tract, the only living coral barrier reef in the continental United States. These reefs are home to more species than a New York City subway during rush hour - colorful fish, sea turtles, and if you're lucky, maybe even a dolphin or two showing off for the tourists.

From Key West, we head to Cozumel, Mexico - an island that's basically the Caribbean's underwater playground. Cozumel sits on the Mesoamerican Barrier Reef System, the second largest coral reef system in the world. It's like the Great Wall of China, but wetter and with more fish.

Cruise ships docked in Cozumel - it's like a floating city convention! By Whiskey5jda - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

Cozumel has this incredible Maya history - it was a sacred pilgrimage site for Ixchel, the Maya goddess of fertility, medicine, and the moon. Women would make the journey to the island to seek her blessings. Today, people make the journey for different blessings - like blessing their Instagram feeds with amazing beach photos!

The island's name comes from the Maya "Cuzamil," meaning "land of the swallows." These migratory birds still visit the island, probably wondering what all these giant floating hotels are doing in their favorite vacation spot.

Playa del Carmen and the Majestic Tulum Ruins

From Cozumel, we hop on a ferry to Playa del Carmen on the mainland. This area of Mexico's Yucatán Peninsula has more geological surprises than a magician's hat. The entire peninsula is basically a giant limestone slab with underground rivers and sinkholes called "cenotes" - natural swimming pools created when cave ceilings collapse.

Playa del Carmen was once a sleepy fishing village called "Xaman-Ha" (Maya for "waters of the north"). Today, it's a bustling tourist hub that somehow manages to balance beach relaxation with vibrant nightlife. It's like if Miami and a yoga retreat had a baby.

Beach at Playa del Carmen - where the sand is whiter than my laundry ambitions By Haakon S. Krohn - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link

The beaches here are part of the Riviera Maya, which stretches along the Caribbean coast. The sand is so white because it's made of crushed coral and shells - nature's version of a sandblasting treatment!

Playa's famous Fifth Avenue (Quinta Avenida) is a pedestrian street that runs parallel to the beach. It's lined with shops, restaurants, and bars where you can find everything from authentic Mexican tacos to souvenirs that scream "I went to Mexico and all I got was this overpriced t-shirt!"

Quinta Avenida at night - where the margaritas flow and the shopping never stops By XXMaxusXx - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

Tulum: The Ancient City by the Sea

Just south of Playa del Carmen lies Tulum, the only Maya archaeological site built right on the coast. This place has better ocean views than a billionaire's yacht! Tulum was a major trading port between the 13th and 15th centuries, dealing in everything from jade to chocolate to feathers.

What's incredible about Tulum is its location. It sits on 12-meter (39-foot) cliffs overlooking the Caribbean Sea, which gave the Maya traders a perfect vantage point to spot incoming canoes. It was basically the ancient version of air traffic control, but for boats.

Tulum ruins perched on cliffs - because why build a city without ocean views? By Dronepicr - Own work, CC BY 3.0, Link

Tulum is part of the Sian Ka'an Biosphere Reserve UNESCO World Heritage site, which means it's protected land that's home to incredible biodiversity. Sian Ka'an means "Origin of the Sky" in Maya, which is pretty poetic for a place that's basically nature's greatest hits album.

The most famous structure at Tulum is El Castillo (The Castle), which served as both a temple and a lighthouse. Yes, a lighthouse! The Maya would light fires at the top to guide traders through the reef at night. Ancient GPS, if you will.

Another cool structure is the Temple of the Frescoes, which still has some of its original paint. The Maya used colors made from minerals and plants - talk about organic paint! The descending god carved above the door might represent the setting sun or Venus, which the Maya tracked with impressive accuracy.

Tulum beach below the ruins - where ancient history meets modern beach towels By Jota Hache - www.tulumexico.com, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

Below the cliffs of Tulum lies one of the most beautiful beaches in Mexico. The water here is that perfect Caribbean turquoise that makes every photo look like it was filtered by a professional. The beach is accessed through a break in the cliffs - the same path Maya traders used centuries ago.

The whole region sits on the Yucatán Platform, a massive limestone shelf that creates those stunning cenotes (sinkholes) when rainwater dissolves the rock. The Maya considered cenotes sacred gateways to the underworld. Today, they're mostly considered gateways to awesome Instagram photos.

So there you have it - a journey from Miami's modern glamour to the ancient walls of Tulum, with plenty of geology, history, and humor along the way. Whether you're into coral reefs, Maya ruins, or just really good margaritas, this Caribbean cruise route has something for everyone. Just don't forget the sunscreen - the Caribbean sun doesn't mess around!